I. Living Without Thinking

I was born as the first son of four siblings in a small village in Southern Korea. My father, the fourth son of a village mayor, raised me strictly. On the other hand, my mother who was a millionaire’s first daughter, was very lovely and sacrificial. I always gained much attention among our many relatives because I was the first son. But I was rather shy and quiet. I was so quiet that my classmates became uneasy. A weak body and a shy girlish voice made me even more contained. Consequently I had only very few friends, but I enjoyed loneliness a lot. Yet most of the time I didn’t have constructive thoughts but rather useless thoughts, e.g. concerning manga heroes fighting alone against countless evil people and finally dying heroically. That was what I had on my mind while my eyes were staring into books. So I didn’t even have time to consider about what my life goal should be or what were the meaning of my life. Thinking disturbed me most. Therefore I spent the beautiful youth simply thoughtless. I learned because my classmates learned. I went to the university because others went as well. On the other hand I did suffer from longing for “something.” It was like home-sickness. It seemed to me that I had lost something very important. There was a deep sorrow rooted in the bottom of my heart. When I looked at the world, it was full of sorrow. The poor people are miserable, and so are the rich ones. Not so good-looking people, but also good-looking ones, small people as well as tall people made me sorrowful. Outwardly I was a relatively good pupil and an obedient child; but I couldn’t understand nor solve this unknown problem within me.

After I passed the university entrance exam not completely successful, I had to quit my dream of becoming an astronomer so that I might have a proper job in the future; I was greatly disappointed. I became even more sorrowful and lonely. I fell into deep meaninglessness and a strong inferiority feeling. I had no joy in my studies. New faces on campus and student clubs couldn’t give me joy. Many obligations in a church also didn’t help me. After big events I felt even more lonely. For the first time I realized that loneliness could hurt me very much. Meaninglessness, loneliness were simply pains that tore my heart, my inner person. What shall I live for? What can I do and what shall I become? I repeated this question without an answer again and again.

II. From Now On You Will Catch Men

I was invited to Bible study. For me who suffered under several thoughts, Bible study was very boring and disturbing since there were too many questions and I had to think constantly. In spite of the boredom, I came to Bible study again and again. Maybe it was somehow because of my bad character that I couldn’t say “no” to anyone. But it was rewarding. One day I realized that something was going on in me. After losing a soccer game I wasn’t sorrowful or angry as I used to, but I had peace in my heart. Suddenly I no more felt the sorrow in my heart, that had hurt me so much. For the first time I realized that the sky was so beautiful, even without the stars I liked so much. A rainy day had usually troubled me; but now it was so beautiful that I had to cry for joy. Birds calling, dew an leaves, people, campus – everything gave great joy to me. Only Bible study was still somewhat boring. My new feeling was so great that for two weeks I tried intensively to create joy and peace in my heart out of my own power. But without success. I realized that God worked in me. The Holy Spirit has driven out my unknown deep sorrow. I was not so sorrowful and lonely any more. I kept laughing and singing songs unceasingly. Most of all I realized that God has given wonderful meaning to each person. God helped me to realize the meaning of my life, i.e. what I shall live for. “And God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (Gen. 1:31) “Jesus said to Simon, ‘Don’t be afraid; from now on you will catch men.’” (Luke 5:10) God let me realize that He truly lives and that I shall live for God’s glory. God has given me the most meaningful task in catching men, that is to help people with the word of God.

But then I left UBF because I realized that there was a great danger in UBF that some day I should become a shepherd and later, probably, a missionary. And I was right. I didn’t want to leave my parents, my homeland and the people who loved me very much. But God said to me in my prayer, “Why are you fearful? I have raised you strong. Go into the desert!” After I heard this voice, I decided to leave the old life and to serve campus mission and eventually go somewhere as a missionary. In August 1993, I sat on a plane to Germany. By God’s grace I could stay in Koeln for fourteen years and learn from many precious coworkers. In this time, my family could serve some students with the word of God, among them Holger, Birger, Philipp and Cecilie.

III. He Leads Me

At the Koeln Summer Bible Conference last year, when July was almost over, my family was commissioned to Dresden as pioneers. I still feel their hearty handshaking that night in my hand. It was exclusively a fruit of your prayers that immediately after my further education I received a job in Dresden and my family was the first to serve a pioneering work in former Eastern Germany. Most of all, through these events I experienced the gracious God who remembers me.

But it looks like God has some different plan for me and my family. In mid-July, just before the Purdue conference, I learned that my two-year contract would not be prolonged. The reason was the ongoing chip crisis. I was very disappointed and asked myself how that could happen. “This is the company that God has given me and my family so that we could come to Dresden as pioneers. Have I gone wrong?” Two days later the situation became more complex when my boss told me that our company’s American branch was looking for someone of our department. That would mean a transition within the company from Dresden to Richmond, Virginia. “Shall I move to the USA? Then, what will happen to Dresden?” I had an especially deep sense of guilt towards our children. Only one year ago they had moved from their hometown Koeln to Dresden; they had to settle in and find new friends. And now again in the USA? In this time I constantly asked God what to do, what was God’s will. God didn’t answer. But in my heart I realized, what God wanted from me was something different than simply go there or stay here. Until now I have lived thoughtless and reacted heartlessly passive: This is God’s will, and so I shall go, I thought. I had no ambition or vision for God’s work. That didn’t please God. Now he wants my full heart and my passionate will for him and for his work. He wants me to plan actively for God and take challenges for him. He wants me to learn personally what kind of God he is for me. Therefore I have accepted this situation as an opportunity for a new beginning with God. So, for the first time in my life I have planned for my future: I will go to America and will make a fresh new start like a brand new missionary and there serve campus mission from all my heart, and then I will return to Germany after three years. I will come to know my God anew and will raise up an American shepherd. When I return to Germany, I will continue the pioneering work in Dresden and will raise 12 disciples of Jesus by God’s grace. These are my plans and visions that I have laid out before God. Of course, I don’t know what will happen in three years. My contract in the USA in unlimited. Also there is no guarantee that I may receive another job opportunity in Dresden in three years. But I am very curious how God will answer my heart’s desire and how he will open a way form e to continue serving German mission.

Psalm 23 has faithfully accompanied my family in Koeln and in Dresden, and it will also accompany us in the USA. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.”

Although I lived my own life, I didn’t know where to go. I still don’t know where my life’s journey will lead to. But when I look back, God has always led me in the best way until now. That I am standing here, is the best proof for this. I have had no want, although humanly I was not special. God simply had mercy on me and has led me here. Therefore I firmly believe that God will continue leading us in the best way, wherever we will be. Please, pray for us that we will love this God from all our hearts and follow him faithfully.

Our prayer topics:

1. To live a missionary life as a "short-term missionary" with a new heart and to experience God more deeply.
2. To co-work well with the families of shp. Chris Kelly and M. Mark Yoo and to raise one shepherd.
3. To find an appropriate school for Daniela and Martin and for them to settle in well.
4. To master English in order to have a good foundation for my further professional life as well as for world mission.
5. God may open a way for my family to return to Dresden in three years and continue serving the pioneering work.
6. On Oct. 1, I will fly to Richmond, and my family will follow at the end of November. Please, pray that the move and all practical matters will go smoothly and that we will settle in well in Richmond.